Some Thoughts on Pastoral Counseling
A Note to My Students Shared with You
I sometimes like to share teaching notes with you. I think it is important that the People of God know what we are teaching to those who will one day minister to those we serve.
The text below is a pastoral letter intended as supplemental reading for my students in Pastoral Care and Counseling. I teach a method of pastoral counseling called "The Spiritual Diagnostic Model." This letter aims to support my seminary students' education and training by addressing issues that require attention and promoting class engagement. This is not a comprehensive plan, it is merely a resource to supplement your learning.
If it is of any help to anyone reading this, then my humble labors and this posting will have been profitable and have meaning.
Practical Thoughts and Suggestions for Pastoral Counseling
The Journey of Shepherding Alongside
Michael A. Milton, PhD
Introduction: Navigating the Delicate Path
In the quiet moments of reflection, it becomes evident that pastoral counseling is not just about speaking; it’s about journeying alongside. As we embark on this exploration, it’s akin to the travelers on the road to Emmaus, who walked and talked, their hearts burning within as they realized the truth in their midst (Luke 24:32). We bring that truth in pastoral counseling. But we bring it by coming alongside, not dispensing in a detached professionalism. Pray. Seek Christ and His ministry for the precious soul before you.
Thus, we begin our journey not just to instruct but to discover alongside those we guide.
Differential Diagnosis: Discerning the Physical from the Spiritual
“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.” (3 John 1:2)
In this delicate dance between the physical and the spiritual, we find ourselves on a tightrope. The task at hand is not merely to diagnose but to discern, recognizing that what plagues the body often has roots in the spirit and what troubles the spirit may manifest in the body. It’s a reminder that our beings are not compartmentalized but wonderfully interwoven by the Creator, challenging us to look beyond the surface. To discern the migration of spiritual pathology from soul to body will require a referral to a medical doctor. Yet the wounded physique sends pain across the nexus, dividing soul and body. We cannot outsource the ministry of the human soul to others (though we should be humble enough to refer when it is appropriate). When in doubt—as in the possibility of diseases of the mind—refer to a physician of the body while maintaining your shepherding ministry for the spiritual needs of the individual.
The Power of Inquiry
“But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear.” (1 Peter 3:15)
The journey through the landscape of a soul begins with a question. It’s an invitation to wander together through the gardens and the ruins of the human heart. Asking questions is not merely a method; it’s an act of opening doors, windows, and sometimes old wounds to let the light of truth enter. Each question is a step deeper into the shared pilgrimage, uncovering the layers of sin and grace, despair, and hope. Ask and then listen—listen without running ahead to answer your own question. Become comfortable with silence as the person before you sort through memories and struggles with a complex mixture of hope, shame, faith, doubt, and desperation. Your presence must be a reflection of Christ: “Come unto Me.”
Engagement and Agreement
“Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the Lord, “Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool.” (Isaiah 1:18)
In the communal act of counseling, there’s a mutual discovery—a sort of agreement to walk through the thickets and clearings together. It’s an engagement not just with the issues at hand but with each other, under the watchful eyes of grace. Here, the pastoral counselor and the parishioner agree to journey through the dark and light together, seeking a path laid by the one who makes all things new.
Only proceed from assessment to diagnosis to pastoral ministry when you have received appropriate confirmation from the parishioner. When there is hesitancy, then pause. Return to the movement in the sequence of counseling. The goal is not to finish in 50 minutes (however, it should be added that unless it is an urgent life-and-death situation, just under an hour is a reasonable time for such an intensive experience). The goal is to allow the person to speak their need, for you to listen, for both to pray and for you, as a shepherd, to seek the nourishment or balm (from the Word of God) for their healing.
Navigating Relational Dynamics
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)
As we meander through the stories of those who come to us, we’re reminded that no man is an island. Every story is a thread in a larger tapestry of relationships. Recognizing the voices not present and the stories untold requires wisdom that transcends human understanding. It is in this recognition that the counselor must strive to listen not just to the words spoken but to the silence between them, where the echoes of other voices may be heard.
You can only minister to the person in front of you.
Privacy, Confidentiality, and Church Discipline
“Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.” (Matthew 18:15)
In the sacred space of counseling, the truths shared are held with a reverence that mirrors the confessional. Luther wanted to retain the confessional because God made people to receive the Word with flesh. In the case of confessing sin, asking for help, seeking guidance, seeking God through those set apart (viz., ordained) for God’s service (an impulse to desire the incarnational). And that is our role. There is an intuitive desire to share one’s burdens of the most personal nature with one duly entrusted with that responsibility. Thus, pastoral counseling is a sacred space where vulnerability meets the promise of discretion, where the airing of sins is met with the pursuit of restoration, not condemnation. Here, the principle of matching the private or public nature of sin with its discipline's private or public nature becomes a guideline and a testament to the grace that underpins all faithful ministry.
Conclusion: The Journey Continues
As we conclude this reflective odyssey on pastoral counseling, it’s clear that the path is not linear. Like the winding roads of ancient pilgrimages, it is full of unexpected turns, steep climbs, and moments of breathtaking vistas. Each encounter, each story shared, is a step on the journey not just for the parishioner but also for the pastor, a journey that reflects the ongoing work of grace in our lives.
In this sacred walk, we are reminded of the ultimate Counselor, who guides our steps and hearts, who navigates with us through every storm and stills the waters with His word. And so, we walk on, guided by the light of His Word, the comfort of His presence, and the sure hope of His promises.
As pastors, we are just friends who bring fellow human beings to our Lord Jesus Christ, make a hole in the roof, and carefully present our parishioners to Christ. “For where else can we go?”
Questions for Reflection
Introduction: Navigating the Delicate Path
As we tread lightly on this path, consider the profound nature of our journey. It’s a pilgrimage of the heart and spirit, undertaken with those we seek to guide and heal. Work through these questions for reflection (if you are so directed, with your assigned group or) on your own. If you are using this exercise for an assigned course requirement, remember to cite both scripture and at least one peer-reviewed article from a trusted journal.
Reflection Questions:
Reflect on a time when a conversation or experience profoundly impacted your understanding of someone’s spiritual journey. What did this teach you about the nature of pastoral care?
How can you prepare your heart and mind to be more attuned to the moments when the spiritual intersects with the physical in the lives of those you counsel?
Consider the story of the travelers on the road to Emmaus. How does their experience mirror the journey of discovery and revelation you hope to facilitate in pastoral counseling?
Differential Diagnosis: Discerning the Physical from the Spiritual
Recognizing the interwoven nature of the spiritual and physical in our lives challenges us to look deeper, beyond the surface symptoms to the underlying spiritual conditions.
Reflection Questions:
How can you develop the skill to discern between physical symptoms (which require referral to a medical professional) and spiritual root causes in those you counsel?
What role does prayer play in seeking wisdom and discernment in differential diagnosis?
Reflect on a biblical instance where physical ailments were linked to spiritual or emotional states. How does this inform your approach to pastoral counseling?
The Power of Inquiry
Inquiry is the key to unlocking the stories, struggles, and hopes of those we serve. Through questions, we invite a journey of exploration and discovery.
Reflection Questions:
What types of questions can you ask to understand a person’s spiritual health and challenges more deeply?
How can you ensure your questions are guided by compassion, respect, and a genuine desire to understand rather than to judge? Reflect on the importance of listening in the process of inquiry. How can you improve your listening skills to serve those you counsel better?
Engagement and Agreement
Creating a collaborative environment in counseling not only aids in the healing process but also empowers those we help to take an active role in their spiritual journey.
Reflection Questions:
How can you foster an environment of mutual respect and openness in your counseling sessions?
Reflect on a situation where you had to negotiate understanding or agreement in a counseling setting. What did you learn from this experience?
How does the biblical principle of reasoning together inform your approach to achieving engagement and agreement in pastoral counseling?
Navigating Relational Dynamics
Understanding the broader relational context of an individual’s life is crucial for effective pastoral care. It helps us to see the person in the fullness of their relationships and experiences.
Reflection Questions:
How can you sensitively approach the topic of family and relational dynamics in counseling without overstepping boundaries?
Reflect on the importance of including other perspectives in counseling, especially in cases involving families or couples. How can you implement this in your ministry?
If only one spouse is available, and there is little likelihood of ministering to the other, or, most preferably, both at once, how do you move to a covenant for ministry (i.e., pastoral shepherding through Word Sacrament and Prayer)?
What strategies can you use to maintain neutrality and provide balanced pastoral care when multiple parties are involved?
Privacy, Confidentiality, and Church Discipline
The ethical considerations of pastoral counseling are foundational to creating a safe and trusting environment for those we serve.
Reflection Questions:
Reflect on the importance of confidentiality in pastoral counseling. How does it impact the trust between you and those you counsel?
How can you balance necessary confidentiality with the need for church discipline in cases of unrepentant sin?
Consider a scenario where you might need to consult with another pastor or leader regarding a sensitive issue. How would you approach this while maintaining confidentiality?
Conclusion: The Journey Continues
As we reflect on our role as pastoral counselors, we are reminded of the ongoing journey of growth, both for those we counsel and for ourselves.
Reflection Questions:
Reflect on your own spiritual journey. How does your personal growth impact your ministry of pastoral counseling?
How does your preparation for preaching each week relate to pastoral counseling?
Consider the role of ongoing learning and reflection in pastoral counseling. How can you continue to grow and develop in your understanding and practice?
How does the ultimate Counselor, Jesus Christ, inspire and inform your approach to pastoral counseling?
Prayer
Lord of life, as You sent Your Son, our Lord Jesus, to seek and save, and as You have called some to go in Your name to shepherd Your flock, grant that we may know Your presence and power so that those to whom we minister will see Christ, not us, and be healed. Through Jesus our Lord. Amen.
So good. So wise. Thank you.