Hit by Friendly Fire (Part 2)
What to Do When You are Hurt by a Fellow Believer
This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
—Psalm 118:24
Welcome to this Sunday’s message from Mike Milton and Faith for Living.
We continue our short series:
Hit by Friendly Fire: What to Do When You Are Hurt by a Fellow Believer
There is a genus of spiritual pathology frequently contracted in the halls of Sunday school, during local church governing meetings (e.g., the board, the session, the vestry), or at a men’s Bible study on Tuesday mornings at 0600.
Pathogenum spiritualeis may take up residence in the pulpit or the pew, in Christian homes and schools, seminaries, and small groups. Qualitative research suggests the pathogen is especially virulent in smaller gatherings. But it is not limited to them. Severe outbreaks have occurred at large national assemblies. Numbers, it seems, are no safeguard against this affliction.
What is this agent? And what are the symptoms of the disease it provokes?
This is no ordinary malady. It is a virus—
An agent a thousand times smaller than other spiritual pathogenic terrorists.
It has no life of its own. It imitates vitality by attaching itself to organic spiritual material.
Its first effect is piercing—a disorienting jolt to the soul.
Once inside, it seeks a host.
It targets a healthy spiritual cell—faith, trust, or assurance—and corrupts it.
It injects its genetic poison, reproduces its twisted genome, and leaves behind a compromised soul.
Unlike other parasites, this virus does not stay in one place.
It quickly spreads through:
the conscious self (our present awareness),
the contingent self (our reflective and evaluative faculties), and
the unconscious self (the shadowed hinterlands of the soul).
Before long, it alters the very DNA of one’s spiritual life.
This is not an ethnic disease.
It does not target one geography or personality.
It affects both clergy and laity.
No theological tradition is immune.
Mainline, evangelical, Pentecostal, Catholic, independent—
All are susceptible.
If left untreated, its effects grow worse.
The Stages of the Virus
Stage One: The virus enters.
Stage Two: It leaves a dark spot on the soul.
Stage Three: The dark spot grows—crab-like, this cancer—into a malignant mass, unseen without spiritual investigation.
Stage Four: Without Gospel intervention, the malignancy metastasizes. The infection crosses that fragile existential membrane between spirit and body. Depression rooted in the soul manifests as physical ailments—headaches, fatigue, or general malaise. At this point, psychosomatic symptoms require further medical and spiritual intervention. The wise spiritual physician must not neglect the “care of souls” but must now defer to medical professionals as well.
The disease has taken hold. Its contagion will now affect family members, fellow believers, work, and home. The devastation will now extend to the destruction of anyone remaining close to the offended person.
Naming the Disease
This message is not about secular assaults on the faith. Some will say, “No, much worse than that.”
It is about the wounds inflicted from within:
When you feel hurt by other believers. My spelling and grammar check keeps wanting to remove the passive voice so that it would read: “When Other Believers Hurt You.” But that’s not what we’re dealing with. Pain can be felt in unusual ways without another person actively causing you harm. The painful experience is indogenous—it comes from within. No matter how it manifests, it is real. And likely at least half of you reading this know this all too well. What is it?
We call it friendly fire.
But there is nothing friendly about it.
This kind of spiritual trauma can leave a believer walking wounded—
Afraid of further injury, frozen in the moment of betrayal.
I have observed it in counseling sessions and the lives of pastors and missionaries.
And the Bible reveals what we experience:
From Joseph and his brothers, to David and Jonathan, and yes—even our Lord Jesus.
The temptation is to nurse bitterness.
To stop the clock at the moment of the offense.
To give up on the church, or live with guarded suspicion.
But as your pasteur non-résident, I want to guide us—
Once again—
To the unfailing medicine cabinet of God’s Word.
This Week’s Message
In Part II of this message, we return to the lives of Joseph and the Apostle Paul.
From their stories and Scripture, we draw the contours of God’s healing.
This is no self-help talk.
This is a biblical resource for spiritual pain.
The path forward is not denial—it is transformation.
The Gospel teaches us that what others meant for evil, God uses for good.
Pain becomes a cross.
Wounds become windows to resurrection.
Through this message, I pray the Holy Spirit will move you:
From victim to victor,
From frozen in betrayal to alive in grace,
From bitterness to blessing.
May the “clock start again” in your life—
And may you walk in the fullness of God's grace in Jesus Christ.
A study of Genesis 50:15-21 and Philippians 1:15-18. What do we do when the person who is hurting us deeply is supposed to be our friend?
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